she s my... PART II

saw her when i was 17 ( read older post she s my ... ) studied in same school , liked her , couldnt
tell her , she went , i went, years passed n after 41/2 years i met her again.



the moment i recognised its her as expected i became wordless , but not this time ,
i recovered quick n thought a way to speak to her . But she was with her mom n she dint she me , so it ll be odd to go n introduce myself, after all i havent spoke a word to her in two years school life . i told this to praveen when he started the bike , suddenly he stopped n told

" if u miss this chance u may regret it for life , so better go n speak ", i resisted but he told
" ok i ll start the conversation n u continue " , ( antonio in my story )

the plan worked n i spoke to her for 2 mins , all formal , but still i the feel the excitement. Till this moment wat i wanted is to speak a few words to her , but after this my mind asking next i want with her is ... bullshit . stop it .. crazy mind.

all these years she havent changed a centi metre ,but she told me " u ve changed a lot , i couldnt recognise u easily"

thought to interupt n tell " ..... " but just left ...v both r 22 now n the fact of becoming
anything together s remote , she s a engineer n am going to be a doctor. she got her career i ve my own, i got her mobile no. but not gonna call or msg . i cant just pretend to be a friend to her via forw msg n goodnight .

I got only two option " to love her or leave her alone "

I preferred the second ll be good for her .

the funniest thing s the same week i went to a evergreen hit film which was again released after 13 years n crowd was limited to our finger count , when the famous dialogue came...




" first love if lost pricks like thorn throughout our life "

i clapped alone in the theatre.

Davidson, hutchison , Macleod's , alagappan ...

all these guys r screwing me . They just wrote a book n died , now their book s killing
me over generation . my life has started to be influenced by them.



Intro am a final yr mbbs student , being overloaded more than i could bear. i wake run
to hosp as attendance closes by 7.30 ( missing a class leads to serious conseq like apology ,
letter, meeting with chief , then HOD - lots of protocol ) so better see my sunshine in
hospital rather than being fucked by them .
they leave us by 12.45 n i got to ve lunch n return for 1 -4 lecture hours . a tight schedule
n most things happen in hosp make us dumb.
continous firing of questions y v say this guy has this symptom , v cant just escape by saying a commonest 2 disease , u must be knowing all the 15 disease name for each symptom . it goes n goes n at one stage u become completly exhausted n right that time another question comes.

another thing s v got to know everything from the above books , which screws most of our time.
I wont say i dont ve time or busy, the thing s medicine occupy our mind n close all exit of happiness .

like - u dont go for any lateral thoughts .

- u just agree what others say, u dont make arguement .

- u just think 2 things 1. questions in today's class,
2. questions of tommorrow's class .

- u become demoralised on seeing others prep , u become depressed
when they answer a question n u dont even ve a faintest idea of where it starts .

- u get daymare when they ask questions like, 2nd & 3rd yr class where i was
just sitting without listening n chating with
friends , i hear voice of pharm prof rajaraman advicing us.

- u just pretend to be tired n avoid outings n friends ... it goes on ,

but its my life , so i cant just walk out ... i got go on. I'm just losing focus ,its natural
i ve been enjoying 31/2 years clg life n suddenly when i'm exposed to such environment
i feel vulnerable n really i was never focussed in my clg .


i can also feel the change in myself , i'm not talkative now a days , just losing
my sense of humour , dont make a big fun or anything , just get off my friends n move alone ,
want to pretend as if i'm listening every word in class .. my thoughts before sleep is related
to my incomepetence in wards. life s moving like time table , started to think how happy
i was THOSE days ...

i dont recite any phoenix stories or inspirational quotes
made by einstein or alexander to motivate me ,
i feel those r artificial motivation like cocaine or ecstasy
what i'm doing is

" i'm still holding the rope"

i dont pray for any super natural powers from god , i dont want to be like x or y ,neither i wont give up .

i want to work upto my standards n show progress ...

a progress which ll make me feel comfortable about what i'm doing rather than challenging stupidly like i ll get Medal in medicine n show who i'm . And finaaly i want to become a
doctor by all means ....



A sick joke to show how much my sense of humour has dried ,

Q : how to make god smile ?

Ans : Tell ur future plans .