2013 - Window closing ...

I thought directly to go 2013 instead of writing a dull monologue
about 2012. In short my 2012 is nothing but, 
                  2012= shift + delete (except few moments.)
Life became hard after college days n still struggling to find a
way to get into my higher studies .. Like any medico i  never knew 
the difficulty n hopeless feel life ll give after college days. For past 
two years my life has been limited to a small room with books n lot
of sleep n despair. Days,weeks,months n after 2 years i finally feel i 
ve reached my breaking point. After all everyone has his breaking point. 

                               

Somehow i wanna get out of this place n find a beginning. I m so 
desperate like i ve decided even if the results dont go in favour i 
want to move in life with what i got. Finding a job ll be a very easy 
thing only got to convince ur mind to settle for it .  

After all these days i'm  losing count of days, months, weekend ,
festivals finally now i feel i lost my mind too , losing my  touch 
of holding myself under any circumstances..I can very well see i 
ve changed so badly n mind in so bad shape.I cant even pretend 
to be ok now a days.Some days earlier i read my old blogs was 
completly in disbelief was i the one wrote all such funny stuffs n
 leg pulling incidents.

Being in a room all day for two yrs is taking toll in my sanity too.
. Someday i sleep by morning 11am when the whole world is running 
after life n wake up by 6.pm n take mins to know whether its early 
morning or sun has set.And Early morning when i wake up it takes 
atleast half n hour to pull myself out of bed to get the day moving..
 life moves at such a ominous slow pace i hate wall clock to such a
 extent i want break it with my own hands.. somedays i lay blank in bed
 staring at ceiling for hours and this doubt creeps in "Whether im a normal 
person or having any schizophrenic pblms" 

Atleast 2012 had its few best moments and a window of hope n 
happiness ,now 2013 has seized that too n the window is closing 
or apparently closed. With age u understand how least limitation
or control you ve about the things happen around you. You never
know who will walk into your life n you never know when they ll
decide to walk away. You can never work a formula for it or a
reason.Everything happens with a flow and its painfully true 
that you are a spectator of things that happen around you. Once
i thought a man controls all his actions n surroundings even blogged
it somewhere ,now i would like to get back those lines.

                                              

Finally i feel as if the only window of my room n life is closing n
already feel suffocating , its high-time i move on ..
Its better i start to move my wheels , hardly one month all my results
ll be out n fate ll be decided . Even in any worst case scenario
i ll move on from everything and everybody. Life is not about 
forgetting or trying to overwrite it with new chapters ,its about 
knowing to live with what u got.
  
When i cant walk i prefer to crawl rather than expecting a crutch .

IIT n me

I need not tell u the title of this blog is a misnomer . For record I havent 
seen a IIT campus not even its canteen.. this thing happened during my 
12th std.. My school is a result hungry school n would do anything for 
getting a newspaper ad show off results. For me 12th subjects were 
started by 11th itself ..The pattern in 11th was, first 5days 
of week 11th subjects and saturday n sunday v had 12th subjects. 
Yes u read it right sunday was a working day in my school for highschool 
students.

                                      

So since subjects were in such rapid pace my 12th subjects were 
over by august and the revision mode started.My school started 
playing all tricks to get highresults.One such was to segregate 15 
 n give special test series . I still dont know how i made it into the 
top 15 may be my chemistry marks was always high or i got high 
marks in tamil [reason for tamil high marks is not my language skill 
but the tamil mam happened to be my friend ,vil write it in a special post ;) ]
 I was the odd man out of 15,i was never a brilliant student or a regular 
reading student .. i went n asked to the Principal to please let me of this 
group n i want to be with among others ..she refused n 
warned me for asking so.. 

With no other option left i had to leave regular classroom n go 
to a another class were v had special classes n special test series. 
No wonder i was always the last scorer among the 15 n felt v.self 
embarrassed ..but more than that this segregation has taken 
me out of the class were my school days crush  was there.. started 
missing her badly n thought this is the end of it n i can never see her 
in the same first bench window seat again ..but like in fairytale, v think 
one but God ll have another end for the story i thought, but god didnt 
want to play or surprise me this time so as i expected that
 was the end of me watching her endlessly in class.. 

                                                        
Now back to the classroom, among various  classes one was a class
 for  IIT exam !!! taken by a outside professor ..grr i still remember 
his name but dont wanna mention it here..It was a complete bullshit 
class.. as u all know tamilnadu has state syllabus for 11 n 12 th 
which was no way closer to CBSE level n with few months left 
for board exam he comes daily to solve IIT questions .. even now i 
cant understand this stupid concept n 1 1/2 months torture by him .. i 
never volunteered for appearing in IIT exams but was forced 
to attend. This grumpy man comes to class exactly the first class after 
lunch writes IIT questions in board n asks us to solve..with just 15 in a 
class i couldnt succeed my usual trick in maths class by not lifting head 
the entire class to avoid eye contact or just pretend to scribble something  
in note as if working out pblms..

                                           

                                            

Sooner He found out im not able to match 
the level n started to focus on me more n torture became more ...
                                                 

Back then i was a notorious boy with impulsive attitude.This went 
for a while n i couldnt stand so i planned to skip maths n in the next 
two exams i scored a just pass level of marks which as expected pulled 
a review meeting with principal .. when i was asked for the 
reason i pointed him saying he makes me learn lots of new formulas 
n that doesnt workout with state syllabus plus im not able to understand 
his way of communication .. unexpectedly everyone in the group came out 
open after i spilled the bean n there were row of complaints 
against him .. School which is concerned with 12 results than anything 
fired him immediately n my sorrow came to an end .. Now after all these 
yrs while driving i found a board with his name saying IIT tution  taken 
here ..i remembered the days with him.. 

Useless trivia : Unluckily the professor's daughter was my colg junior and 
unfortunately she was the only girl i ragged in my colg days ..

Moral :  Dear professor's Dont mess with me if u ve a daughter ;-)

Old Friends ...

You know you are getting old when u start to meet a person ,shake hands 
and wonder whether its been 8 years or 10 years we last met . 

                                       

Couple of incidences happened in last few days  it made me feel i'm 
getting old and inevitably made me nostalgic too. Went to a marriage and 
a friend comes around with smiles and shaking hands asking 
"Do u remember me ??" Although i remembered him with first glance
still took my time to recognise him bcos i wasnt sure whether to call him
 by his childhood nickname[not so good one to call] or address him
 by his full name,later i decided to call him by his christened name.So after
 exchanging pleasantries i asked him what he was doing,he replied he is a
Scientist in some @#$ research lab and working on molecular gentics !!!
 Yes you shud ve seen my face that time and was glad i called him by
 his fullname ;). Its not that i couldnt digest the fact that he is a scientist the
pblm i couldnt digest the years that ve rolled in between.He was completly in
 different clock regarding his career and my clock was a super slow one and 
still ticking at its own pace.Then we started sharing the old days stories of 
building treehouse,cooking in garden etc.

Then i met the another kindergarden days friend, he came so cheerfully 
with a bright white shirt and was so friendly as usual he used to be ,when i 
asked him what he was doing he said he is Personal assistant to local Minister 
here and said he is also his binami, was surprised to see him too in 
such different profession and was wondering what happened to his engineering
 degree and jobs related to it but didnt want to embarrass him so left the
 questions and said i was happy for him.

Suddenly a thought started to creep in my mind that everyone is settled in
 life somehow and am i the only person struggling in my career.As usual 
when thought goes wild i get out of it somehow,this time it was by night 
show movie. Filled with deep thoughts n not interested in staring at the crowd
i just went into theatre with blunt look and before getting into my seat 
as usual i stepped over the foot of unknown and as usual expected it to be 
some dashing girl with whom i can strike a conversation by apologizing
 and as usual it happened to be some random guy and as usual hid my 
disappointment and sat next to him.Only unusual thing was he was another
 old friend whom i know from diaper days and spent all our childhood in 
same neighborhood,he recognized me and we started to talk but i 
carefully avoided the question of what he is doing now and talked 
common things, then at one point the movie screen started to rise
 with a English unheard song and thats  when he said he is unemployed
 and struggling to find a job and came to movie theatre to kill his 
thoughts for few hours.Hearing this the theater went black out waiting 
for projector rays to fill the screen and the few seconds in btw the 
blackout and projector ray a soul smiled completely for the first time 
in the day and the next seat guy couldnt see his smile bcos of the movie 
theater balckout :) Simple pleasures ;) .Its not that i'm mocking him its 
just when my selfconscious cleared my dampened thoughts that its not
 only i'm struggling in life.
                                     

Most often this is wat happens ,v feel as if v r the 
only one suffering and God is cursing us alone.For most of the day i forgot 
that i ve such a beautiful life and i'm healthy and in my sound frame
 of mind. I not the kind of person who indulges sadness by seeing others
 success but everyman has his exceptions and i fall into that trap sometimes.
Glad i found myself back and rolling at my pace.I know my clock is
 ticking slow and i never predict my future but onething is sure for
 me, life is not going to be  like this forever its gonna change oneday and
 i dont know whether its going to be in favour of my side or not.This stalled 
life with less people around is boring and frustrating but having a life with
 not a penny in your pockets to spend and being alone is such a golden
 moments of ur life bcos i cant be irresponsible like this forever. I'm liking
 this phase of life and when i think about these days in future i'm  sure it ll give 
me a smile bcos of the way i'm holding myself , i'm quite proud of myself.

2011-A complete year !!

Those who r in hurry n want to rush through this post to know about my
2011 need not waste ur time reading all stuffs in this post , just read the 
summary n quit the post bcos rest is going to be nothing new. 

SUMMARY : 

                         2011 is the worst year i ever had !!  
                                           I lose ,
                                           I lose n 
                                           I lose the left over too ...

                   [ Thank u for reading the post. Happy new yr for u ] 

Every New year i used to feel dull irrespective of the happiness n the friends
i got around. A kinda dullness that cant be explained n analyzed , its bcos 
every NewYear eve i used to feel that i haven't lived the year completely n i 
got nothing to feel proud that the year is ending.This problem is due to the 
problem free year . Yes, a year with dates rolling regularly , time flowing 
circularly , with regular circadian rhythm i felt bored that what life is this 
without no thrill and no huge failures to assess ourselves , no loss that hits 
u hard enough that u cant stand. Nothing happened all these yr i never agreed 
completely that one should celebrate New year. 

But this year gave me a complete year in every sense. A year full of ups ,
downs,downs n downs .I  never felt this desperate in my life . I never was 
this shaken in life before. I never knew people this much before. Life took 
a heavy toll this yr n i dont complain life ,bcos i got few others to complain.
I look at this year still at disbelief n wonder can things happen such like 
this in life.

                                                  

Love / hatred / betrayal / selfishness / hopelessness / lack of confidence / 
people's real face ..
this year was nothing short of a novel "The Count of Monte Cristo "  
and felt many times that my life is in chatteau d'lf  and still feel so by 
losing the control over time n mind .Hardly i cared about whether its 
day or night for me both means nothing. FYI i finished my degree
n had to be in a room all day this year to prepare for my future ,hope
this makes u atleast understand few things about me . But the most 
problems were not about career . 

                                                    

 The year ends with a historically low level of confidence and self belief and
i dont believe in wonders that from tomo everything is going to be fine bcos 
its a new year .Nothing is going to change until i get control over myself  and 
start to move . so the coming year is going to be hard and dont know when 
things will change and when i can get back to my normal mode. 

Lots of people to remember from this year without them this year wouldnt 
be complete. Few people gave the worst things they can give to anyone 
to make my year :) Thank u guys ! you made my year and i ll remember you .

Life never hit me this hard before and i was down before i could realise 
what had happened. 2012 is going to be the continuation of 2011 in many 
ways n lets see what happens. 

                                 "Every stone cant be named in this world"

                                                                      -sivasankar. 

Few stones helps u and holds u to get high and few stones make u to slip . 
But the reality is stones cant be named under a general category like this,
few stones which slipped u once can help u in other way and the stones the 
helped u ,can make u go high and finally pull off to give a fall from which u 
can never rise. So are people in life , Good and bad are never permanent.
People good to you may turn out to be the worst predators u ve ever seen 
and people u thought who r bad gives a shoulder when u r left alone to rot. 
The thing i learned or realised this year are that everyone cant be 
explained under a relationships .Few things cant be defined and better dont 
go to define just live with them like neighbors . Relationships are so 
primitive with few characters ,you cant explain every person and every 
person at every point of ur life under a relationship.

With lots of confusion and lots of issues to address the year ends and so the posts 
with a low note :) Happy new year to u guys.

Murphy's Law Of Government Hospitals

"A patient rushed to Out Patient(OP) room in wheel chair doesnt mean he is 

    very sick  than the one struggling to stand in a lengthy crowd " 

You can see this many times in OP,  Doctor doesnt gets panic on seeing a 
patient rushed in wheel chair  n he casually attends other patients n make 
the wheel chair guy to  wait. Common people who see this think the Doctor 
is heartless and the doc sitting in OP always ve a grumpy look which 
perfectly add to their accusation. The real truth is that a patient coming in 
wheel chair in government hospital means merely that he has bribed the 
ward boy/stretcher bearer so he pushes him n even recommend to the doc 
asking to examine him first.  

                                              

"The more elaborate u speak ,the less likely u get an admission"

Many people think govt hosp as a rent less hotels ,so just when they wish 
so,they come here tell all impossible syndromes so that they get admitted 
for a week n get rich dose of Vit injections and Glucose trips n get 
discharged when they wish. The worst case in this is son/daughter bring 
their parents to hosp n say all non-senses so that they can admit them in 
govt hosp where bed and food are given for free of costs and they can run 
away. These guys r easy to find n you dont need to be a genius to know 
their intentions ,these guys ll look stout with a strong aroma of a local 
perfume in contrast his mother ll be in rags n boat stomach , this guy ll 
use couple of English words to describe illness n he keeps on speaking.
The doc listens to him patiently n gives a smile which only the Intern n 
Post-graduate sitting opposite can interpret n finally says no to admission. 
The guy who brings his parents to hosp thinking its a dumpyard get 
furious n speaks these Doc r not working properly they ll admit patients 
only in private hosp not in govt set up ..etc etc, he even goes to the crowd 
waiting there n tells his story of how doc here r refusing to take care of 
his lovely/dovely parents . The doc watches this all n never tries to 
correct the facts or owe an explanation . 

"When u smile and respect  excessively to a Doc in ward it does not give u a 
bed to sleep , but when u smile n respect a little to a staff thats enough to 
fetch you a bed in ward "

 You might not know that a ward ll be having around only 20 beds in 
ward but the In patient strength in that ward ll be close to 65 , so now 
u can guess the the prospects of getting a bed in ward. so only 20 patients 
get a bed n rest got to sleep in floors in ward . So few follow a cheap 
tactic of wooing the Doc by saying lots of sir or even taking him to the 
height of god but he never gets what he wants , but few brilliant people 
smile n respect staffs in charge of ward and the result is they get a bed 
within 30 minutes.The only thing these staff want is respect n recognition 
for their never doing duty of ward in charge. 
                         
                                                 

"It takes 5 yrs to tell that a thing is abnormal but takes 20 yrs to tell a person is Normal "

Its a common slang among medico community n u would ve heard it often in 
your Chief's OP class if u r medico . The same goes with Biopsy report,
CSF study and  Blood culture report. Considering that most 
govt hosp are there over decades n pvt hosp r just a half decade old. 
This is why most of the biopsy reports comes Normal study in govt dep n 
in contrast with abnormal findings in pvt hosp :P

" Most of the Midnight urine samples are highly likely to come as urine 
sugar one plus and acetone positive "

The Lab workers who come for Night duty are so optimistic guys that they 
come to job with a bedsheet with them hoping to doze off before 10o'clock. 
So when u bring a midnight sample for test the report collector just pours 
the sample in sink n take the pen n write a positive value for anything 
eventhough the previous value was normal. As i said before they r 
optimistic guys so they go for positive value . Most of the guys who 
try to cheat follow this code . 

  " A repeat of Normal Ultrasonagram study is highly likely to come positive for mild pleural effusion or mild ascities "

 We all know the shortage of radiologists in Govt hosp n the heavy crowd 
waiting for USG daily so  the last thing they want is the same patient again 
coming for repeat usg. 


                       " A govt hosp x-ray film is like God " 


We can never define God ,who ever u may be,which ever religion u may be 
but when one comes n asks u to describe God n where u can see him , your 
answer ll be "Its everywhere n u cant see  him alone ,he is within everyone".
The same thing goes for x-rays , there ll be a dark shadow everywhere n 
lesion is definitely within these dark shadows,like God among us . 


P.s : Post not intended to hurt anyone . If someone feel hurt ,mail me ..i shall give a apology declaration in my next blogpost !!

Electricity and Me ...

This is the story about my first contact with electricity. Electric current
puzzled me right from my childhood. It all started first time when i observed 
that when a switch is on, fan runs. I wondered how is it possible n asked 
the reason for it. They said current runs from here to fan n makes it run. 
Back then i know only three basic mediums solid,liquid n gas[till now i know 
only three]. I asked which category it belong to my bro, n like
all elder bro he pushed me aside when i asked question beyond his intelligence. 


Then i started to observe each n every electronic instruments n wondered
what is electricity.Suddenly one day my brother came running to my mom 
saying "i got a electric shock when i touched the switch for refrigerator". 
Then my family members started using that switch board with utmost caution 
n they never advised me not to touch it bcos i wasnt the height reach the 
switch board. I went to my bro n asked how was the shock ? expalin , n once 
again like all elder brother he exaggerated things to show off in front of his 
younger bro n make him feel that he is much grown up n experienced about 
life. He said it was like some one pulling my hand inside , u can hear n 
ringing noise in ur ears , ur whole body jolts even after withdrawing
from the switch n ur teeth goes ewwwww..  etc etc. Even by that age i know 
he is exaggerating but still was excited on hearing the effects of getting 
electric shock. 


So i decided to know about electricity further more n yet again no one 
gave ears to my doubts or never bother to explain me.This is the problem 
i had when i was young. They never discuss anything with me n even when i 
ask doubts in btw when they r speaking i ll be scolded for not behaving well,
there was a rule for me in home that i shud not interfere when someone
is talking n not ask what it means, although this might look rude for u guys 
but considering the options it was the best rule they made bcos of my 
irresistible n nuisance questions especially  while watching tv. Few are like,
those days there was only DD channel n they telecast movie only once in a 
week n when they do so the whole family in India ll be sitting in front of it
since no other channel was there u cant change to any other channels 
while advertisements r running .There used to be  only three chairs in our 
hall , so i always used to lay down in front of them n watch tv. One day when 
they were showing LUX soap ad , a woman ll be bathing in bath tub ,i 
suddenly ask my family "why this girl is bathing without closing the door ?"
The whole family gets stunned n wonder what to answer n they remain 
silent , when i go for the same question second time they give me something 
which makes me not to open my mouth till the movie gets over. The worst 
one in this kind is while wathing ROJA film in first night scene 
the light ll switch off n i ask in loud voice "why. why. they switched off the 
light ? i cant see anything ? n what they r doing now ? " . Now u may find the 
above rule not so rude :P .

May be this continued to long that most of childhood i couldnt figure out 
what my parents r speaking ,so i used to add a head n tail to the story n 
make it a complete story.I think this quality made me the natural gossip 
teller later n i was one of the best in speaking gossips in college.

                      
                                      


Coming back to electricity , this amusement was going for a short time in 
controllable manner till i watched the film "BHAGA PIRIVINAI" a shivaji 
ganesan movie in which shivaji ll get a shock n go one limb paralysed n after 
lots of sufferings he ll again get a shock n his limb turn back normal.. 
My thoughts were running furious after watching this , how 
come its possible to make one paralyse n reverse it by electricity. 
Now i decided to start my test with electricity n know what it is . First i
chose a LED buld from old box connected it with two wires n put it direct 
into the plug point socket , a glow came for a second n it got burned 
.I ran back to my room n pretended to sleep ,later evening when no light 
or fan was working in home they found that fuse has gone n i was the one 
who did it.I was taken care well but yet again i repeated the same thing this 
time with removing torch bulb n connecting it to plug point.
This time the intensity was much worse n later i was take care very well 
such that till this date i dont to it again ;).


Now my focus swifted from electricity to electric shock , bcos in btw these 
years my bro experienced two more shock n was again explaining / 
exaggerating about his adventure. I wanted to feel my maiden shock , i was 
going mad to experience shock. I used to touch all electronic 
things in rapid touch to get a shock. Like i used to run my fingers behind the 
fridge which ll be having a guitar like strings from top to bottom , i felt nothing , 
then used to touch tubelight nothing happened . It went on for months finally 
the day came , once i was asked to connect the tv antenna pin back to the 
socket ,while i was doing i saw a spark coming when i touched pin into 
socket , now i gave wide grin , i know i found what i was searching , 
i left the pin down n within a matter of seconds i plunged my finger 
into the tv socket !!!  boooooom ...

                                                         
I was wrong .My bro was not exaggerating about the shock he was right 
this one time!! Felt a alarm in my ears , someone pulling my hand inside,
my mouth went dried . Everything was picture perfect like he said. That 
was the terrible lesson i learnt n that was the end of all my experiments 
regarding electricity. 

MORAL :

" Our childhood interests is were our potential lies n parents must 
encourage this" 
this is a widely used now a days.But its not correct in all instances. 
Being such a crazy fan of electricity , physics was my toughest subject n 
as a matter of fact i never understood about electricity , it was the low 
scoring subject throughout my school days . I never understood what is this
step-up n step-down transformer , AC generator ,DC generator etc.
So just bocs ur kid plays with paper rocket dont think his interest is in 
Rocket science . Period!

15 Weird Habits

So I was tagged by Arunkumar [No!No!dont bring ur cursor over his name],
I havent linked his blog here, I dont want his followers list to be increased, 
u see. Usually I dont take tags because usually i dont get tagged by bloggers.
But i accepted to do this tag because its full of narcissism and i felt i can express
more free here.Here you go ... 

#1. What's a nickname only your family calls you? 

       "Thambi" I dont know how this name stick to me,may be i'm the second/last
son in family but i get kinda annoyed when my parents call me this name when
i'm outside and the worst part is i turn to look when someone in streets calls a
stranger as thambi, thinking they are calling me.

#2. What's a weird habit of yours?

I can never sleep in complete darkness. I need atleast a few lines of thin light 
somewhere illuminating my room. I still use a Zero watts yellow light in corridor
which glows all night  n fills half my room with its glow ,also i dont use curtains
for my room.Thats y I find it difficult to sleep in Hotelrooms with full curtains
and not even a Goodnight Liquidator green dot light. 

#3. Do you have any weird phobias?  

 Yes.I have. I'm claustrophobic to some extent.I'm too egoistical to admit it and 
i ve never admitted it to anyone.  I never use Lift as my first option. You can see
me in shopping mall/RMKV/Chennai Silks everywhere where i ll be using steps 
and even  urge people coming along with me to come by steps, when they insist i 
give lame reasons like lift ll be crowded or give a enthusiastic reason like 
"before lift hits our floor i think i  can reach the destination floor". I dont ve 
serious problem with it so kinda never think ways to get out of it. 
                                                
I still remember when i was 8th grade, i had a  head injury and was subjected to
CT-scan ,i  feared like anything being in that room and was chanting god's name 
continuously.The moment  the automatic stretcher took me in deep to be 
scanned i literally felt i'm boxed and my coffin is moving in, flashing all those
cinema moments of funeral.During these moments i keep on chanting 
God's name and i feel silly about myself doing so , so i better avoid
such circumstances.

#4. What's a song you secretly LOVE to blast & belt out when you're alone? 

It depends on the mood and time , nothing very specific. 

#5. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?

Its towards people who will be smiling at me n speaking very warm but in
between  when they get a call from servants they yell at them with a face
and then once back to me they again show the smiling ,warm face. The 
fraction of second people changing their emotions really pisses me and i
start to wonder what expression they ll give for me once i leave the scene. 

#6. What's one of your nervous habits? 

I pull both my lips inside n chew my lower lip and then when situation get
intensified i start to pull my hair.

#7. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

Always the side opposite to were i keep my mobile.For past 6years mobile has 
been a bedmate and I face the other side of it bcos of the late night disturbing
light n vibration buzz it gives when it receive a message or call.

#8. What was your first stuffed animal & it's name? 

I think i had one small sponge dog and day n night i used to abuse it by pulling
its head from body or pricking its eyes.This is the problem i had with all toys 
during my childhood ,i get a doll or toy but i never knew what to do with it n  
start to break it.My only exception would be then that time famous Complan
COMMANDO toy ,it was a wired toy so i can flex its arms n legs while 
saying Dishum!Dishum  during fights, rest of my toys were  rigid plastic or 
metal one which i hated till it was broken.

                                               

#9. What's the drink you ALWAYS order at Barista?

sorry i ve never been there. 

#10. What's the one rule you preach.. but never ACTUALLY practice?

"Stop advising me ; i ll ask you if i need one"

#11. Which way do you face in the shower? 

Morning shower - I dont face it and receive all water in my back bcos i can never
stand in freezing water with  face up. Skin of back is tougher and less
sensitive,meant for this purpose i guess. 

Evening shower- I stand front of it and like to receive all water over face , feel so
refreshed when water flows furiously over my face and get a philosophical touch 
that all the worst things of the day is getting  washed out and i'm fresh.

#12. Do you have any 'weird' body 'skills'? 

Nothing very skillful except i can lift my left eyebrows alone without showing any other expressions in face.

#13. What's your favorite 'comfort food'/food thats 'bad' but you love to eat it anyways?

Argh! I think its cauliflower , i used to eat a lot of fried ones even when my Dad 
warns me that it ll cause hypothyroidism. 

#14. What's a phrase or exclamation you always say?

" Its a Dog job!! "      

#15. Time to sleep- what are you ACTUALLY wearing? 

[ i think this question wont amuse any of my readers]
Just as usual night pant n light shirt.


so i'm done with it.


P.S: I dont know anyone much in blog so i cant tag anyone moreover this 
tag i too long and a bit tiresome so i dont want to stress anyone :)
Let it all end here :p

Exam Season

"Mind is just a wheel n heart is the engine , u can push ur wheel for few minutes but can never make it run till ur heart decides to fire the power " - sivasankar.



With november AIIMS 2011 my exam season for 2011 comes to an end. If u r
curious to know about my exams, i would say no need of it because if i ve done
well i would be discussing this topic in facebook public wall. In my opinion
this 2011 exam season [All India jan 2011, Tamil nadu march 2011, AIIMS nov 2011] is nothing short of a disaster. From the sequence of exams starting
from march to November every exam was a disaster and there wasnt much improvement through this phase. Thats when i realised the above quote by
a unexplored philosopher.

Exam hall is the place where all weird feelings run in your mind.Its the time all
ur ghost people from your past comes to memory and start to cloud your
thoughts [ reading this i want no spammers to link their yoga Cd online buyout
in my comment box for better concentration power , i already got shilpha shetty
yoga CD n i watch it seriously with wide open eyes n deep exhalation ] .

More than that exam hall is the place where u remember all people who have advised u in the past from childhood. Yesterday in exam i got two bubble of
such things, one my VIII grade science teacher coming into the bubble n saying
"sivasankar u r a good boy but u r trying to pretend like a rogue ,stop it n study
hard , u ll become a successful man " . I felt for her ,how sweet she was during
those school days ,she even used to share her snacks with us n taught us to eat
the hibiscus bud saying its good for health.. I replied the bubble saying i'm still
the same school good boy mam except for the couple of affairs in my college.

Then came the next bubble of thought within which i found my pharmacology
professor , he was telling in every class to take notes n said few points saying
its important for PG exams which i never listened . I even wondered how many
question would ve come from the points which he asked to underline n i was
lazy to do so..


I had lots of time to scratch my chin n even take some close shots at the girl
sitting next to me to confirm that she is not cute n my first impression was
right. More than that my exam centre was near airport n made a huge noise
everytime when a flight took off. I counted 17 flights from 10 to 1 pm n wondered
when i ll take my first air travel.

After all this misery to while away time finally they let me go by 1.30 pm after
all checking and once again walked out with despair without knowing what's
next to be done..

So for me 2011 season of exams are over.Thats something i can be happy about ;

P.S : The toughest thing post-MBBS is explaining your failures to parents.So i
prefer the below expression rather than explaining when Father asks "How
was the exam?? "
;)

November

Its sad my blog is going like a entrybook .So finally November has come.

"The toughest thing in the world is to convince yourself".



Life is just illusion of pleasantries and we are awaken from the dream by unpleasant happenings. Its like only when u r going through
ur rough patch of life u realize u r living in this
world with real persons.The moment this thought gush through ur mind u feel a
instant hatred for people ,i mean the real world people and you feel all people are mean n cold. Blah!Blah! what the fuck is going on in me.. I agree its a tough
time for me but the thing is that i ve lost myself makes things tougher.
The guy who points black people's intention ,narrows n finally
zeroes the part in my mind causing the commotion n
tries to throw that part out of mind is missing for quite sometime now, n feeling hard to cope up without him.

Although i remain solid as ever n dont whine to others , the thing is tough this
time probably because of my breach in self defense n not able to exactly point
the location of the culprit n pull it out of mind. Dont expect me to make a
statement that i shud never got involved in this , nah ! nah I stepped into this
at my own will n tried to go through it even knowing all the after effects ,
probably this time i was overconfident about me n got slipped. Just when u
believe more in you God turns his dice to roll things to go unpredictable ,thats
what he does ,the worst opponent just to make the game more interesting
he turns things to any side with less rules n i must admit i was caught by
surprise by his move n though the move is slightly against rules u cant
complain when u r playing against him. So this time he wins or to be precise
he made the person on his side to win over me.

Truth and lies have a very short life than ours. A truth or lie cant stand ages like
a rock. All real life events that you see , you hear n you feel are true for the
moment but when the person goes in another direction all the truth takes a
U-turn at you n start to become lies n make a fool out of you. Its how u take
up those truth turned lies which come at high speed against you in the same
lane decided who u are . You may run backwards for few moments to avoid
the crash but the more backwards u move more is the pace it gets acquired and
you may get hit very badly. This is what i'm doing now n this is what is should
stop doing,and face those lies which was masked as truth once.

Though I still got the weapons to destroy the opponent, i dont intend to do it..
According to me thats called POWER. You can rip a person into pieces n
can destroy what all they got but still u dont . [ Courtesy:Schindler's List] .
Let them live their life.

As always i say this is not the November i thought ,i was dreaming a different
November ;).

P.S: With this November i'm completing 3 years in blog. Life has changed
considerably through this period. So let me greet myself with a nice bouquet :))

Remember Remember !!

DATE:25th OCt,2011.

October 25th .. night 11.45pm ... i got a call ...

P.s: ok i ve completed the post ;). Just made a entry to this blog about this date to
keep it documented . Its a very special date n i had a special phone conversation. oops i cant elaborate anything on it.

Teen Times ..

TRIVIA [ From teen memory ]

"Silk" Smitha was initially called as smitha n she got the Tag after acting
in a film called SILK SILK SILK . Although the title has three silks , silk smitha
acted only in dual roles, one a police cop n other fisherwoman.If my memory
serves me right i think the fisher woman was called as silk ,the film became a
instant success n the character bought her so much fame it sticked to her till
last minute of her life. (u wont find these details even in ImDb , i bet :P )


People reading this might think why did i come up with such a topic??
Not to mention my blog is a vegetarian one , and
kids n woman roam this place without any harm or inconvenience ,u might
think " Is it right to talk about her here? "

The reason i brought this topic today is that today i happened to watch the
Teaser of the film THE DIRTY PICTURE . As u all know its a story based
on silk smitha's life. I feel this attempt is just to mint money out of her past
like Spielberg brought back Dinosaurs, the similarity is still more between
both films ; they dint need to pay Royalty to either dinosur or silk.


So no way the film is going to be helpful for todays youth or the old who
feel young when they watch her songs.Actually my point is not to feel
concerned for the current generation , bcos they r better exposed than this.

The thing i want to tell here is about my relationship with silk smitha ,
no ! no ! nothing like i can cherish forever .Just my life n days rolled during my teenage . Although silk sumitha belonged to one generation before me ,
she was the first woman to enter my home through TV. We had a television even
before my birth but cable channels found their way into my home only
when i was VIIth grade , till then i was dumped watching dubbing serials
in DD like Chandrakantha , Krishna, Junnon , Shanthi .. In DD they rarely
telecasted film songs n that too they would ve relayed silk songs may be
once in a decade which clearly i ve missed .

So when Cable channels came through , it opened a new gate of entertainment.
I watched all sports ,snow skatings ,crocodiles ,snakes , lion hunting deer
wrestlings wwe etc n was exposed to a wider world according
to me. Slowly when i was climbing grades in school i started to watch films
which ll ve a item song with silk for sure .Even Rajini n kamal films fell in that
category. Those days i dont understand y she comes in between a film with no
reason n disappears after the song , i even used to eagerly wait till climax to
know what happened to her after the film.To be humble i was not that dumb
for long time n sooner i understood her reason in film for a song alone.

Those days i cant watch such songs when parents are around. I found the
afternoon time as an escape when everyone in home used to sleep. When i
happened to watch her ,i know she is seducing but cant understand what
made her more successful when compared to others. It took years for me
to understand and the same thing that makes me confident that vidya balan
cant outsmart silk is the "PAIR OF EYES" silk had. She dressed less , danced
with pelvic clutches but still there were dozen more to do like that n even more
in cinema but she had everything in her narcotic eyes which conveyed all emotions on the viewers !!

So the pair of eyes made the difference from rest n ll make the difference in
The Dirty Picture too .. anyway wish the team crew for success with her shadows.

You know what the Legendary actor Vinoo Chakravarthy :P [ Police cop n father
of Gautami in GURU SHISYAN movie ] said about her .
He says " A man who had 4 bottles of arrack is considered to be sober when
compared to the man who saw the Eyes of Silk Smitha "
That explains everything. :P

Lump in a throat

" wise men fall in goa only fools fall in college "

- sivasankar

College life is like a visit to goa , you go there with lots of expectations n

determinations to fall but return back with empty hands and bag of memories .

One incident happened in my college's senior batch that disturbed me

so much . Its a very usual thing that happens in my college , guy n gal comes

from different place,fall in love n then break up n go back to their

native place to marry a person who also comes back leaving someone

in her/his college gate.

The same incident happened in my senior batch n it disturbed me

so much . It goes like this - both wait in railway station for

their train to arrive n carry him/her n their thoughts . They both were

sitting in park bench surrounded with disturbing noisy station crowd

outside n devastating silence in heart inside. When my friend

narrated this incident it was so touching and i wanted a perfect line

that could give a perfect finishing touch for this n make the situation

still poetic. But friend was way distant in railway station when this

incident happened, he couldnt hear anything. I was so curious to know

what ppl speak before they break up n the perfect line that

wrap up all their sorrows together. Eventhough the Author has

faced two break ups but both were only swearing words from the

gentlewomen part n silent reaction from author so i really really wanted

to know what they speak in their last meet.

So after almost a year i got that LINE that would perfectly fit to that

occasion. It goes like this

RAILWAY STATION EVENING ...

SCENE happens in a concrete bench in front of a tea shop

(with cool breeze flowing in northeast n birds flying back to their

home southeast )



SHE = We dint do anything wrong other than to fall in love ..

HE = ( he remains silent to deliver that perfect line)

SHE = why this s happening to us alone.. why do ppl still believe in caste ,

religion, language

HE = (silence )

SHE = If there s next birth v shud be born in same religion n love all life

HE = (silence )

SHE = what wrong v did ?? tell me!! ... ( she bursts into tears )

HE = ( he realized this the time to speak n finally says or could ve said the most searched line by meto end the last meet )

" Our Love happened in Right place but at wrong time !! "

SHE = ( silence )

Her silence was short lived as the train whistled into the station ..finally she had to leave ...

SHE = will u stop loving me after i get into the train ??

HE = will u stop breathing after u get into the train ??

SHE & HE = [ (silence ) - means point taken ] !!

SHE = I want to leave this place with a smile ..pls tell me a joke !!

HE = (with fast approaching train n racing heartbeat he couldnt remember

any joke n started to say " Once a rabbit asked deer ..

SHE = come on dont tell that ..tell me something that i could really laugh

out pls !!

HE = ah .. i dont get anything but i can tell one thing for sure , my

friend sivasankar is really a nice guy !!

( they both erupted into laughters which took almost a minute to settle.. )



With this the train whistled its way out of the station , both got

married separately ,had kids n sterilization done .

P.S = This post means no offense against current or future lovers in my college .

If ur story ends this way author cant be held responsible.

Intern .. Mobile .. Life

Those were days when i receive a call , a smile spreads over my face like a omlet spreading over kadai .. I ll be curiously waiting for calls . Those midnight chats with Her s [plural ] , texting early morning days ve gone. Now I feel these things happened a decade before . My life for past 6 months has changed from my normal course n now running to keep up my time. Life s Hectic .

But nowadays when i receive a call i give a deep frown before attending it. The
caller ll be old nurse calling me to Hosp saying patient got this complaint n
that complaint. U cant spend time for urself . Just when ur relatives come home
u get a call saying a case s very bad come soon to hosp. In all wards ur name n mobile number ll be sticked to walls like a wanted List. U dont know from which '
ward u ll get a call n for what. Most of the time the call ll be for unnecessary reasons . Those stupid staff could handle it but she prefers to disturb u. Bcos
of this i feel i got no time for me.

No way i could manage time n spend time for myself .Those were days when v all
used to ve lots of fun within a single room. V never needed a separate place to make fun .Just anywhere our very presence ll lift d mood n make us feel light.

Now i go for lots of Treat with my co-intern n v all laugh together but never feel
light or enthusiastic . I observe a pattern of false smile n fun round the Dinner
table. I dont like these kinda NEED TO LAUGH pattern . So i become a silent
spectator among them. Those days with my friends can never be brought back or
replaced. New friends r just to be named as Professional friends I say . Its like
going somewhere to break ur work stress.


Being said this s how my life s going to be . Its the choice i made so no turning
back.

I feel lots of lots of things ve changed in my life . Like those midnight
calls ve been shifted to 3am morning n early morning texting ve now become
my Noon routine. Then regarding time management i ve been complaining
For 23 yrs Nothing could be done on it :).

So wats this .. every Intern complaining about their life style change n saying
not able to manage time.I ve never seen anyone of my friend managing time
or being punctual . so y complaining Now. The above things r just a small addition
to our routine Life. Its not that v ve lost our life. So sad i ve also been in this
category . If ppl scold or irritate us in work ,so wat?? v ve faced similar things
when v were a student. At that time v were able to forget n overcome it but now thinking ourself as grown up v take it as an Embarrassment. Why to think
or ve an Illusion that v r grown up when v r not. I'm proud to say i'm still
Immatured n dont know the real world . ya few of my batch Gals even gonna get
married ,it doesnt demand me to be so serious n stiff matured guy. I cant change
for others . I prefer change shud occur from ur Inner sense . And I'm patient
enough to wait for it. .. Till then i ll be what i'm now..

see ya Folks .

Facebook Chat ..

TWITTER -

U cant control frowning when ur friend comments on ur fav gals FB wall ..

- fuherShiva
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HE = Hi :) how r u ?

SHE = Hey Hi ..fine here , long time no see..so how r u ?

HE = Had chappathi for dinner ..

SHE = what ??

HE = I answered ur next question :P

SHE = oh.Let me tell the last then " ciao!"

*she goes offline with this *

Moral - Gals ve scanty sense of humor..!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SHE = Hi .. wasssup ..

HE = Argh .. it was a tough day , got screwed by senior officials,they treat us like
slave .They dont even mind to give a 1/2 hour break for lunch , they dont take
any responsibility just show directions n disappear . I hate to work with
them but i like this job n wont give up.

* she goes offline without any notice *

Moral - Gals ask caring question not for answers only to be asked in return...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SHE = It was a great weekend .. :))

HE = Mm ..

SHE = Me n my friends really enjoyed a lot :)

HE = mmHmm ..

*she goes offline *

Moral = Gals dont like calm n patient guys .

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



SHE = Hey ya .. wassup ?/

UR Friend = Tubelight , fan n two romancing lizards ..

SHE = LOL :) Anytime ----izm thana ??

Ur Friend = Nopes only 24 hrs a day ...

u know " Love is Blah ! blah !! ..u cant explain it , u can only accept it "
#----Quotes

SHE = haha.. u r so funny .. u made my day ..!

*she stays online *

Moral - Girls r weird n Like weird people .

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S - I hate Facebook n I Love Facebook for the same reason ..:p


Few may think the entire post is to mention about the last convo , but its not

true .This post belongs to category - Random Thoughts . :P

Say No to Plastic ; Say Yes to Life !!

DISCLAIMER - The following content s not advisable to read for people less

than 11 years.


A post to bring awareness against Global warming ..!!

Based on Real Life Incidents .

I always ve this habit .. when someone complain about X or Y .. I just ask them to

show their fingers n tell " Look at them , what do u see ?? " With this they give a

Deadly stare n leave the place . This trick works well n u get escaped from

listening to their Ramblings . But when i did this with my gal it

dint work [ only the trick ] .

DEPARTMENT OF O & G

FAMILY PLANNING OP

The early morning buzzing crowd was less that day due to national bandh n she

was sitting next to me in Family Planning[FP] Consulting room .For beginners

yes v were sitting alone bcos v were the two posted Intern For FP . She started

as usual like most gals that " this guy doing this ,that girl irritating me etc.."

I played my usual trick by asking her "So now show me ur fingers " .. She got the

undercurrent of my sarcasm n decided to play against it . She " ok see my fingers

what next " . I thought for the moment n gave the usual earth old explanation

" see all fingers r different , like r ppl " .She " I asked u to see the fingers n not

give philosophy " . Me " yes i ve seen it .. so what ?? " . She " Now tell me which

finger u want to be ? " .

Now clearly the ball was in her court , felt cold , i thought she never knew

that am adoring her , but from my attitude even a gal with 1/2 ounce brain can

find out. Was feeling helpless n she added to it by coming still closer n now

i could feel her skin over me . She"come on tell me ,which finger u want to be ?"

Considering the heat production under my skin i wanted touch a finger but

it wouldnt be appropriate for the moment so went to touch the next finger that

is Ring Finger .



She was now holding the game under full control . She " Dont u dare to

touch me .. ok " . Me " No I' m not touching ,, i'm holding it from falling Down :) "

To make the situation more romantic i went down to kiss her Finger but

in reflex movement she moved it n i landed over her lap , for a moment i thought

i'm dead . Few minutes passed [ actually 45 secs only she allowed !!] n she took

me by her arm n asked so what r u doing .. Me " I'm searching for our baby's

heartbeat " . She showed her Ring finger n said " You still havent occupied this

place !! " . Me " I thought u liked Steffy Graffe ? " . This time too she could

understand the sarcasm n said " I believe in Indian culture ". Me " so what s it

The Indian Culture ? I wanna Know " She took a small pack from

the Family Planning Box gave a wicked smile n said "This is Indian culture " .

I grabbed the pack from her lovable resistance n whispered over her ears

" Say No to Plastic ; Say Yes to Life !! "

P.S -

FYI - Steffi Graf got married to Agassi after making two children .